I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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