And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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