I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
