you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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