I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
