My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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