Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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