wakey wakey hands off snakey
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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