I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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