i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
