there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
