I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
