..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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