you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
