I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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