Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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