Cold hands, warm shart.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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