It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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