Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize