someone get that fucking seahorse.
this boner is exhausting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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