He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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