Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
