Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
