Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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