I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
