then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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