If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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