I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
