so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
