I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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