Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
