It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize