Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
