oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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