look no pants
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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