When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
