Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
