home. puking in laundry basket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
