U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
