apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
