i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i believe in u and ur pee
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
