Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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