it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize