He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
