Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
