That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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