her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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