the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
