I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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