Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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