I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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