My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
