You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
