dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
