the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
