I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
