Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
