I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
