I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
