i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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