I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
