if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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