Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
