Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
