i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My bed smells like the plague
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
