I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
