Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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